1
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,081
OHH!
2
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,283
ROSEANNE...
3
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:24,484
OHH!
4
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,085
ROSEANNE,
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
5
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,154
OH, THEY CALL THIS
A HAIRCUT?
6
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,789
IT LOOKS OK, REALLY.
7
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:33,659
12 BUCKS, AND I LOOK
JUST LIKE D.J.
8
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,096
WHAT ARE YOU READING?
9
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,699
MY POLICE MANUAL.
10
00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,200
WHAT?
11
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:44,470
YOU KNOW, I COULD BE
MAKING $3,000 A MONTH
12
00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:46,306
IF I GET ACCEPTED.
13
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:47,173
YOU'RE JOKING.
14
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:50,142
NO. I ALREADY APPLIED.
15
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:51,410
KNOCK KNOCK.
ANYBODY HOME.
16
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:53,012
CUT IT OUT.
17
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:54,213
I'LL HAVE YOU ARRESTED
18
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:56,482
FOR ASSAULTING
A FUTURE OFFICER.
19
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:58,952
YOU'RE GOOFIN' ON ME,
RIGHT?
20
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,720
NOT THAT I KNOW OF.
21
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,788
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU
WENT AHEAD AND DID THIS
22
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,323
WITHOUT EVEN TALKING TO ME?
23
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,591
GOD, ROSEANNE,
24
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:08,394
CAN'T YOU SHOW A LITTLE
ENTHUSIASM FOR ME?
25
00:02:08,394 --> 00:02:10,195
I'M EXCITED
ABOUT THIS.
26
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:13,465
IF I WAS TO SHOW ENTHUSIASM
EVERY TIME YOU GOT EXCITED,
27
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,268
I WOULD'VE
RUN OUT OF ENTHUSIASM
28
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:19,272
BY THE TIME I WAS 6.
29
00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:20,940
I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE
SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
30
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,541
I JUST SHOULD'VE JUST COME
OVER ONE DAY, CUFFED YOU,
31
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:25,578
GAGGED YOU,
TOLD YOU, AND LEFT.
32
00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:27,846
WELL, DON'T YOU EVEN WANT
TO KNOW WHAT I THINK?
33
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,481
NO, I DON'T.
34
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,351
OK, THEN I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I DON'T THINK.
35
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:35,054
I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE COP MATERIAL.
36
00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:37,923
OH, YEAH?
37
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:40,726
YOU DON'T, HUH?
38
00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:43,930
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT COP MATERIAL IS.
39
00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,601
WHAT DO YOU
THINK NOW?
40
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:50,603
LET'S SEE YOU
GET OUT OF THAT.
41
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:53,772
YOU DON'T THINK I'M
COP MATERIAL NOW, HUH?
42
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,585
YOU KNOW,
BEING A COP IS SOMETHING
43
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:06,786
THAT TAKES A LOT
OF COMMITMENT--
44
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,220
NOT YOUR STRONG POINT.
45
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:12,925
BESIDES THAT, YOU'RE
NOT A KID ANYMORE.
46
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:16,195
LOOK, JUST BECAUSE YOU
MAY NOT WANT ME TO DO IT,
47
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,565
DOESN'T MEAN
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.
48
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,833
YEAH, BUT YOU DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
49
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,167
ROSEANNE, GOODBYE.
50
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:23,869
OH, JACKIE, GROW UP.
51
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,605
OH, GO TO HELL.
52
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,273
THIS IS HELL.
53
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,084
I CAN'T BELIEVE JACKIE
WANTS TO BE A COP.
54
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:41,287
SHE DOES LOOK GOOD
IN BOOTS.
55
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,488
I'M SERIOUS,
DAN.
56
00:03:42,488 --> 00:03:43,689
I KNOW YOU ARE, BABE.
57
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,092
I'M HAVING REAL TROUBLE
WITH THE CONCEPT
58
00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:48,094
OF SOMEBODY
CALLING HER OFFICER.
59
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,295
OFFICER JACKIE.
60
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:50,896
I'M REALLY WORRIED
ABOUT HER.
61
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,299
I JUST HOPE SHE
DOESN'T GET ACCEPTED.
62
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,067
THEY'LL ACCEPT HER,
ALL RIGHT.
63
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,936
BASED ON WHAT?
64
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,004
BASED ON THE FACT THAT
THE LANFORD POLICE DEPARTMENT
65
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,007
IS RUN BY A BUNCH OF BOZOS--
66
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:04,343
HALF OF WHOM
YOUR SISTER'S DATED.
67
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:06,746
DON'T TALK ABOUT
MY SISTER LIKE THAT.
68
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,148
THAT'S MY JOB.
69
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:11,150
MMM...UNBELIEVABLE!
70
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,552
THAT CHILI IS GONNA BE
HANGING FROM THE CEILING
71
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,154
OF THE SMITHSONIAN.
72
00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:16,922
SUMMON THE CHILDREN,
FIFI.
73
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,392
FOOD!
74
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:22,595
I THOUGHT JACKIE
WAS STAYING FOR DINNER.
75
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,630
NO. SHE'S MAD AT ME.
76
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:28,301
I'M MAD AT YOU,
AND I STUCK AROUND.
77
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:29,568
I'M MAD AT YOU
78
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:32,371
BECAUSE I GOT MY HAIR CUT TODAY
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
79
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,374
I DID SO NOTICE,
MOE.
80
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:39,178
WHY DO YOU THINK
I'M MAD AT YOU?
81
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:40,245
SPREAD OUT.
82
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:44,016
YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!
83
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,085
YOU USED IT,
DIDN'T YOU?
84
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:47,286
NO, I DIDN'T.
85
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,289
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TELL THE TRUTH FOR ONCE.
86
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,490
OK, I WILL.
87
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:51,691
THE TRUTH IS,
YOU'RE A DINK.
88
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:54,160
WE ARE FAMILY
89
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,761
DON'T EVER TOUCH
MY THINGS AGAIN.
90
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,363
I GOT ALL
MY SISTERS WITH ME
91
00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:59,531
I'LL TOUCH
WHATEVER I WANT.
92
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:01,534
OH, NO, NOT CHILI.
93
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:03,135
NOT JUST ANY CHILI--
94
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,737
MY FAMOUS CHILI.
95
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:06,739
YES, DAN CONNER'S
MAGIC CHILI,
96
00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:09,141
WITH THE FRESHEST
INGREDIENTS,
97
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,944
STRAIGHT FROM
THE CONNER FAMILY FARM.
98
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:13,145
I WANT FISH STICKS.
99
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,548
WELL, IT'S NICE
TO HAVE A DREAM.
100
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,550
[IMITATING JULIA CHILD]
TONIGHT WE'RE TRYING
101
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:20,352
A VARIATION ON
MY CLASSIC RECIPE--
102
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:23,155
BEEF CHILI
VEGETARIAN STYLE.
103
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:26,325
OH, GROSS!
104
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,328
I'M NOT GONNA DRINK
OUT OF THAT.
105
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,596
YOU PUT YOUR FINGER
IN IT.
106
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:32,664
DON'T WORRY.
THIS FINGER'S CLEAN.
107
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,734
I HAD IT IN MY NOSE
ALL DAY.
108
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:38,204
YOU ARE SUCH
A LITTLE TWERP.
109
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,206
I'M EMBARRASSED
WE'RE RELATED.
110
00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:42,208
AT LEAST,
I'M NOT A PERVERT.
111
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:43,409
YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
112
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,411
YEAH, BUT I'M NOT THE ONE
113
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:47,212
WHO WAS READING
DAD'S MAGAZINE.
114
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:52,084
SHUT UP.
115
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,087
COME ON,
LET'S HUSH UP.
116
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,489
COME ON, WE'RE
HAVING DINNER HERE.
117
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:00,693
WHAT MAGAZINE?
118
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:04,096
GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS.
119
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,532
DAN, DAN, DAN.
120
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:07,799
HONEY, I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA SAY,
121
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,001
AND YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
122
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,202
BUT I JUST DON'T THINK
YOU SHOULD SAY IT
123
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,605
IN FRONT OF
THE CHILDREN.
124
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:15,007
YOU HAVE SUCH
A BIG MOUTH.
125
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,608
YOU KNOW, DARLENE,
IT'S NOT NICE
126
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:17,810
TO TATTLE ON PEOPLE,
127
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:20,612
ESPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO DO
REALLY STUPID THINGS
128
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,615
THAT THEY KNOW
THEY SHOULDN'T DO.
129
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:23,616
OW.
130
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,318
DARLENE'S A TATTLETALE,
TATTLETALE.
131
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:27,653
D.J.'s RIGHT.
132
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,721
YOU SHOULDN'T RAT
ON PEOPLE.
133
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:30,656
AND YOU SHOULD KEEP
YOUR MITTS
134
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:32,424
OFF OTHER PEOPLE'S
BELONGINGS.
135
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,093
HEY, EVERYBODY, CALM DOWN.
136
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:35,360
YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT.
LISTEN TO HER.
137
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:38,297
SHE'S BEEN BUSTING HER HUMP
ALL DAY, COOKING AND CLEANING.
138
00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:40,299
SHE DOESN'T NEED
THIS AGGRAVATION.
139
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:43,101
WOULD YOU LIKE A LITTLE WINE
WITH DINNER, HONEY?
140
00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:43,902
FORGET ABOUT IT, DAN.
141
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,504
I TOOK A SHOT.
142
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,106
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU
TO TAKE THAT MAGAZINE
143
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,707
AND GET IT OUT
OF THIS HOUSE.
144
00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:51,110
IT IS OUT OF THE HOUSE.
IT'S IN THE GARAGE.
145
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:53,912
IT'S NOT LIKE
IT WAS IN THE TRASH.
146
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,915
IT WAS RIGHT ON
YOUR WORKBENCH.
147
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,516
RIGHT.
MY WORKBENCH.
148
00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,319
AS IN, MY PRIVATE
WORKBENCH.
149
00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:02,521
YEAH, BECKY.
150
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:04,557
QUIET. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
STARTED THIS WHOLE THING.
151
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:06,625
INSTEAD OF PICKING ON ME,
WHY DON'T YOU ASK BECKY
152
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:09,829
WHAT SHE WAS DOING LOOKING
AT THAT NUDIE MAGAZINE?
153
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,030
SHUT UP,
DARLENE.
154
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,032
YOU WANT TO BE LIKE
THOSE GIRLS, DON'T YOU?
155
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,233
SHUT UP!
156
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,434
YOU KNOW YOU DO.
157
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,837
WHY DON'T YOU SHOW MOM
AND DAD YOUR SEXY WALK?
158
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:20,572
I HATE YOU.
159
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:24,243
OW, YOU SEXY THANG.
160
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,282
WHAT?
161
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,183
SNITCH.
162
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,451
WHAT ABOUT BECKY?
163
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,786
WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT YOU.
164
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:34,653
YOU'RE RIGHT.
165
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:36,255
BECKY NEVER DOES
ANYTHING WRONG.
166
00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:37,889
EVERYTHING IS
ALWAYS MY FAULT.
167
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,958
NO. THIS IS STUFF
THAT'S HAPPENED
168
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,928
SINCE YOU WERE BORN.
169
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,196
GO APOLOGIZE
TO YOUR SISTER.
170
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,331
NO WAY!
171
00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:46,498
HA HA.
172
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:47,633
SHUT UP.
173
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,635
DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER
WHEN HE'S EATING.
174
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,703
I'M SICK
OF THIS STUPID HOUSE.
175
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:53,706
I CAN'T
DO ANYTHING RIGHT.
176
00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:56,008
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
177
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:57,275
WE HANDLED THAT
WELL.
178
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:09,221
WHAT DISGUSTING THING
ARE YOU READING NOW?
179
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,591
THE GROWTH OF OUR NATION.
180
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,659
EWW, YOU ARE A PERVERT.
181
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:27,473
WHAT?
182
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,541
I JUST WANT TO KNOW
183
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:31,544
WHY MEN
LIKE THOSE MAGAZINES.
184
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:34,346
WHY DO THEY WANT TO LOOK
AT A BUNCH OF WOMEN
185
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,382
WHO THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW?
186
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:38,450
WELL, THEY ACTUALLY
BELIEVE THOSE WOMEN
187
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:41,287
ARE LOOKING BACK
AT THEM.
188
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:45,357
WHAT DO YOU THINK THESE
GIRLS' FATHERS SAY TO THEM?
189
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,559
THEY PROBABLY
DON'T SAY TOO MUCH,
190
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,561
WHICH IS PROBABLY
ONE OF THE REASONS
191
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:51,196
WHY THEY END UP
IN THOSE MAGAZINES.
192
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,765
I FEEL BAD FOR THEM.
193
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:55,534
YEAH...
194
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,736
ME, TOO.
195
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:09,815
DO YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN
DIDN'T GET TO VOTE UNTIL 1920?
196
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:11,817
YEAH. AND AS I RECALL,
197
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,418
WE ALL VOTED NO.
198
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,028
I MEAN, ACCORDING TO MOM,
199
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:25,431
BECKY'S ALWAYS GOOD
AND I'M ALWAYS BAD.
200
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,833
LIKE IF BECKY GETS AN "A" IN
SOMETHING, IT'S THIS BIG DEAL.
201
00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:30,769
BUT IF I GET AN "A" IN
SOMETHING, MOM JUST IGNORES IT.
202
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,072
YOU GOT AN "A"?
203
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,742
NO. BUT IF I DID,
SHE WOULD.
204
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,112
YOU KNOW WHAT BECKY'S
FAVORITE THING TO SAY IS?
205
00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:41,313
GROW UP.
206
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,316
YOU KNOW WHERE SHE
GETS THAT FROM?
207
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,318
FROM YOUR MOM.
208
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,986
WELL, IT'S NOT FAIR.
209
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:50,255
LIFE IS UNFAIR.
210
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:55,661
LIFE IS THIS BIG
UNFAIR THING.
211
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,529
ONE DAY
I'M GETTING EVEN.
212
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,332
I'M GONNA HAVE
A NEAT PLACE
213
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,133
JUST LIKE THIS,
214
00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:03,135
AND I'M NEVER GONNA
INVITE HER OVER.
215
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:04,736
YEAH, YOU WILL.
216
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,338
THAT'S WHAT'S UNFAIR.
217
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,540
YOU'RE HER SISTER,
218
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:11,143
AND YOU'RE NEVER
GOING TO GET RID OF HER.
219
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:15,180
IF I HEAR "GROW UP"
ONE MORE TIME,
220
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,583
BOOM, I'M NOT GONNA
HAVE A SISTER.
221
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,784
ME EITHER.
222
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,385
I WENT OVER THERE
TODAY
223
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:23,589
FROM MY HOUSE
TO HER HOUSE
224
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:26,391
WITH A DREAM.
225
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:27,993
A LITTLE DREAM.
226
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,996
AND SHE TOOK
THAT DREAM,
227
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,798
AND SHE STOMPED IT.
228
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,200
AND AFTER
SHE STOMPED IT,
229
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:38,070
SHE KICKED IT
IN THE GUTTER.
230
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:41,339
WELL, SHE PROBABLY
DIDN'T MEAN IT.
231
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:45,711
THAT'S YOUR MOM'S WAY
OF BEING IN CONTROL...
232
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:48,180
ALL THE TIME...
233
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:49,781
CONSTANTLY.
234
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:54,186
BUT LET'S FACE IT.
WITHOUT YOUR MOM,
235
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:58,423
LIFE, AS WE KNOW IT,
WOULD END.
236
00:10:58,424 --> 00:10:59,291
IF SHE'S SO IMPORTANT,
237
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:02,360
HOW COME SHE CAN'T
GET A JOB?
238
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:03,228
THAT'S RIGHT.
239
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,432
YOUR MOM DIDN'T EVEN
HAVE THE BRAINS
240
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:08,834
TO SAY YES
TO YOUR DAD
241
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,236
WHEN YOUR DAD
ASKED YOUR MOM
242
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:12,838
TO MARRY ME--
243
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,039
HER--
244
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,241
HIM.
245
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:16,942
YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN?
246
00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,209
BUT LITTLE JACKIE,
247
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,512
WHO, ACCORDING
TO YOUR MOM,
248
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,915
CAN'T EVEN BALANCE
A CHECKBOOK,
249
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:25,317
WHICH, BY THE WAY,
250
00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:28,119
I HAD
A CHECKING ACCOUNT
251
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,122
LONG BEFORE
SHE EVER DID
252
00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:33,325
BECAUSE I WENT DOWN
TO GREY ROCK BANK
253
00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:35,327
AND GOT
A CHECK BOOK,
254
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:36,127
BY MYSELF,
255
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:38,930
WITHOUT ANY HELP
FROM HER.
256
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,869
AND THEY HAD--
THEY HAD...
257
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:47,072
THIS REALLY GROSS
SECURITY GUARD THERE
258
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,274
NAMED EDDIE.
259
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:51,977
AND YOUR MOM AND I
USED TO CALL HIM
260
00:11:51,977 --> 00:11:54,446
EDDIE SPAGHETTI.
261
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:01,820
AND YOU KNOW
SOMETHING ELSE?
262
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:03,823
I HAD TO TELL HER
263
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:06,625
WHAT A GREAT CATCH
SHE'D BE PASSING UP.
264
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:07,826
YOUR MOM IS THE ONE
265
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,229
THAT CAN'T EVEN BALANCE
A CHECKBOOK.
266
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:12,231
IF SHE'S SO GOOD
WITH MONEY,
267
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:15,033
HOW COME I ALWAYS HAVE
TO LEND HER MONEY?
268
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:18,670
I BOUGHT THAT GLOVE THEY
PAID FOR YOU LAST YEAR.
269
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,205
THANKS. REALLY?
270
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,841
WELL, THAT'S OK.
271
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:29,648
THAT'S WHAT
SISTERS ARE FOR.
272
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:34,452
YOU WANT SOMETHING
TO DRINK?
273
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:35,654
NO, THANKS.
274
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:38,056
WELL, I'M GONNA GET
A LITTLE SOMETHING.
275
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:39,825
WHOA!
AUNT JACKIE!
276
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:43,495
OH, THERE'S ALL KINDS
OF GRAVITY IN HERE.
277
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,703
I GOT TO GET MY SEA LEGS.
278
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:52,304
YOU KNOW WHAT?
279
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:56,207
YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME
IN MY HOUSE...
280
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,411
AND SO AM I.
281
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,414
YOU KNOW WHAT?
282
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:08,086
I AM GOING TO GO
AND TAKE A LITTLE NAP...
283
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:10,890
JUST FOR ONE MINUTE.
284
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:14,092
OK, ROSEANNE?
285
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:15,594
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
286
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:16,861
SHOULD I GET THAT?
287
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,430
[RING]
288
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,534
HELLO.
289
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:22,735
MOM...
290
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,336
UM...
291
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,139
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
292
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,941
AUNT JACKIE
AND I ARE JUST TALKING
293
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:31,944
AND HAVING A GREAT TIME.
294
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,947
I'M GOING TO SPEND
THE NIGHT, OK?
295
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,350
I FEEL A LOT BETTER.
296
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,951
YEAH, BYE.
297
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:48,360
I AM A GOOD COP.
298
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,966
A REALLY GOOD COP.
299
00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:02,207
I'M SERIOUS, MOTHER.
300
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,276
BACON IS LOADED
WITH SODIUM,
301
00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:08,280
NITRATES, GREASE,
AND ANIMAL FAT.
302
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,682
BREAKFAST!
303
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:14,586
DOWN 2 INCHES.
304
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,989
STRAIGHT,
STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT,
305
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:17,789
RIGHT,
306
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:18,991
LEFT,
307
00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:20,192
STRAIGHT,
308
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,826
STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT DOWN.
309
00:14:21,827 --> 00:14:24,296
DROP THAT PIG MEAT,
COVER HOG.
310
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:25,497
COVER HOG?
311
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:26,297
YEAH.
312
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:27,499
YEAH.
YEAH?
313
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:28,299
YEAH?
YEAH.
314
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:31,102
ALL RIGHT.
DOWN.
315
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:32,704
WE MISSING AN OFFSPRING?
316
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,908
YEAH. WHERE DO YOU
THINK I GOT THE BACON?
317
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:40,979
THREE PIECES?
318
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,381
HEY, I DIDN'T GET ANY.
319
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:43,248
HYPOCRITE.
320
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,252
TWO PIECES?
321
00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:50,055
JUST 'CAUSE YOU
BRING HOME THE BACON,
322
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:53,258
DON'T MEAN YOU GET
TO EAT IT ALL.
323
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:55,261
I GUESS YOU TOLD ME.
324
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,862
I GUESS I DID.
325
00:14:56,862 --> 00:14:58,063
YOU'RE SO SMART,
326
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,932
LET ME ASK YOU
ONE THING.
327
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,402
HOW COME YOUR FACE
IS SMOOTH THIS WAY
328
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,404
AND SO ROUGH
THAT WAY?
329
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,607
WHAT DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT FOREPLAY
330
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:10,375
IN FRONT
OF THE KIDS?
331
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,243
MORNING.
332
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,844
HEY, COME HERE, YOU.
333
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,349
DARLENE.
334
00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:18,216
THERE'S MORE.
335
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:19,918
NO, THERE ISN'T.
336
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,186
OH, HERE, TAKE IT.
337
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:24,389
DID YOU HAVE FUN
LAST NIGHT?
338
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:25,624
YEAH.
339
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:26,992
WHAT DID YOU GUYS
END UP DOING?
340
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,259
WE DROVE INTO CHICAGO
341
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,195
AND PICKED UP A COUPLE
OF SAILORS.
342
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:34,165
DARLENE,
GET A PLATE.
343
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,333
I'M FINISHED.
344
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,935
ISN'T THAT
HALLEY'S COMET?
345
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,537
FORGET ABOUT IT.
346
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,644
WHAT'S YOUR AUNT JACKIE
DOING TODAY?
347
00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:46,878
SLEEPING.
348
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,014
WHY, DID YOU GUYS END UP
STAYING UP LATE?
349
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:52,650
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW THOSE
SAILORS LOVE TO PARTY.
350
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:00,592
SO...
351
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,596
SO, WHAT DID YOU GUYS
TALK ABOUT LAST NIGHT?
352
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:05,396
ME?
353
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:07,799
WHAT DID YOUR
AUNT JACKIE SAY?
354
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,003
ASK HER YOURSELF.
I'M NOT A TATTLETALE.
355
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,604
WELL, IT'S NOT
REALLY TATTLING
356
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:16,207
IF I HAVE TO BEAT IT
OUT OF YOU.
357
00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:17,409
HEY.
358
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:25,417
HIYA, KID.
359
00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:28,853
THANKS FOR PUTTING
THE PAIL BY THE BED.
360
00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:30,121
OH, LOOK, AUNT JACKIE'S
361
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:33,058
GOT HER
HANG-OVER GLASSES ON.
362
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:36,861
WAS SHE DRINKING
LAST NIGHT?
363
00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:39,297
DID YOU GET DRUNK WHILE
MY KID WAS OVER THERE?
364
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:42,167
NO. I WAS DRUNK BEFORE
SHE GOT OVER THERE.
365
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:45,370
DARLENE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
HELP ME WORK ON THE BOAT?
366
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:46,171
NO, NOT REALLY.
367
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,372
SO WOULD YOUR
BROTHER AND SISTER.
368
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,173
COME ALONG.
369
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:54,580
WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOING
AND GETTING PLOWED?
370
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:55,781
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
371
00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:57,015
YOU.
372
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,885
YOU.
YOU ARE MY PROBLEM.
373
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,887
WHAT DID I DO NOW?
374
00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:03,889
SAME THING AS YOU
ALWAYS DO, ROSEANNE.
375
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,424
YOU SIT UP THERE
ON YOUR--
376
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:07,292
PEDESTAL?
377
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:08,559
YEAH.
378
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,429
YOU ACT LIKE SOME
BIG HIGH AND MIGHTY,
379
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:13,432
SELF-RIGHTEOUS...
380
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,834
PEDESTAL-TYPE PERSON.
381
00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:21,840
AND YOU POO-POO
EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE.
382
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,043
YEAH. AND YOU GO RIGHT FOR
YOUR ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOR...
383
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:28,247
'CAUSE YOU CANNOT
HANDLE CONFLICT.
384
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:29,848
THAT'S
THE WHOLE THING.
385
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,449
YOU CANNOT
HANDLE CONFLICT.
386
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:34,352
REMEMBER, WE SAW THAT
WHOLE THING ON OPRAH--
387
00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:36,355
PEOPLE WHO CANNOT
HANDLE CONFLICT,
388
00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:39,658
SO RIGHT AWAY, THEY
RUN FOR THE ALCOHOL.
389
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:43,328
WELL, HAVE ANOTHER SHOT
OF PANCAKE, ROSEANNE.
390
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:50,969
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE
WHO LIVE IN GLASS HOUSES
391
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,338
SHOULDN'T EAT STONES.
392
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,576
WELL, WE'RE NOT
TALKING ABOUT ME.
393
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,644
I AM.
I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU.
394
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,647
JUST ONCE, ONE TIME,
395
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,850
I WOULD LIKE
FOR YOU TO BE FOR ME,
396
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,852
TO BE ON MY SIDE,
397
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:08,854
FOR ME ALONE.
398
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:11,857
SO THAT DOESN'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
399
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:15,527
WELL, MAYBE I WOULD DO
THAT IF YOU EVER CAME UP
400
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:18,663
WITH SOME KIND OF AN IDEA
I COULD ACTUALLY SUPPORT.
401
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:21,533
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH THAT IDEA?
402
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:25,136
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
BECOMING A POLICEWOMAN?
403
00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:27,939
YES, I KNOW SOMETIMES
I START ON THINGS
404
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,808
AND I NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH
WITH 'EM.
405
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:32,677
AND I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES
I GET JAZZED ABOUT STUFF
406
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,680
THAT'S NOT EVEN EVER
GOING TO HAPPEN.
407
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,281
BUT THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN,
408
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,549
AND I WISH YOU WOULD
GIVE ME SOME SUPPORT.
409
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:40,618
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST
GO AND BE SOMETHING
410
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:41,820
LIKE A METER MAID?
411
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,622
I MEAN, YOU USED TO
WORK AT WELLMAN.
412
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:47,659
YOU'RE USED TO
HANDLING SMALL CHANGE.
413
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:48,926
SEE, THAT'S IT.
414
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:51,663
AGAIN, WHAT DO I
HAVE TO DO
415
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:55,733
TO CONVINCE YOU THAT
I COULD BE A COP?
416
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,335
BEAT YOU UP?
417
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,142
YEAH, NOT
ON YOUR BEST DAY.
418
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:08,146
OH, COME ON.
419
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,750
OOH!
420
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:13,752
COME ON.
421
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:14,953
OOH.
422
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:16,454
TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT.
423
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:21,960
TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT.
424
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,463
YOU KNOW THAT I WOULD JUST
KNOCK YOUR LIGHTS OUT.
425
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:28,967
WELL, THEN,
GO AHEAD.
426
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:31,302
MAKE MY DAY.
427
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:41,045
OW! OW!
428
00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:43,114
OW!
OW!
429
00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:51,990
LET ME UP!
430
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,424
LET ME UP!
431
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:58,029
EXCUSE ME.
432
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:01,633
IS THIS LIKE
A SEX THING?
433
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:04,602
'CAUSE IF IT IS,
I'LL GO GET THE CAMERA,
434
00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:07,806
AND WE CAN TOSS
THAT MAGAZINE AGAIN.
435
00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:09,774
DAN, GET HER
OFF OF ME!
436
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,843
DON'T YOU
COME NEAR ME.
437
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:13,044
I'LL BREAK
HER WRIST.
438
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,246
DAN!
439
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:16,648
I THINK SHE
MEANS IT, ROSEANNE.
440
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:18,282
I DO MEAN IT.
441
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:19,550
SHE DOES MEAN IT, FOLKS.
442
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,152
AND THIS IS
THE GRUDGE MATCH
443
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,754
WE'VE ALL BEEN
WAITING FOR.
444
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:24,822
THROW OUT
THE RULE BOOK.
445
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:26,491
THE LANFORD WRESTLING
FEDERATION RULES
446
00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:27,692
DO NOT APPLY.
447
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,294
DAN,
I'M SERIOUS.
448
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:31,296
SHE'S SERIOUS, FOLKS.
449
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:32,897
I'M REALLY
SERIOUS!
450
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,699
SHE'S REALLY SERIOUS.
451
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:35,967
YOU APOLOGIZE TO ME
452
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,770
FOR NEVER BEING
ON MY SIDE.
453
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:41,172
I HAVE NOTHING
TO APOLOGIZE FOR.
454
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,374
OW!
455
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:45,477
OOH, THIS IS NOT
FOR THE SQUEAMISH.
456
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:47,479
I THINK THAT WRIST
IS ABOUT TO GO.
457
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:48,680
OHH!
458
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:49,947
YOU COME ON,
ROSEANNE.
459
00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:52,750
OK, I'M SORRY.
460
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,352
LOUDER.
[SOBS]
461
00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:57,956
NOW, THIS
IS RIDICULOUS.
462
00:20:57,956 --> 00:20:59,157
AAH!
463
00:20:59,157 --> 00:21:00,758
I'M SORRY!
I'M SORRY!
464
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,161
SAY IT
LIKE YOU MEAN IT.
465
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:04,395
I MEAN IT.
I'M SORRY.
466
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:05,663
IT'S AN APOLOGY
TO THE HEAD.
467
00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:07,265
DAN, GET OUT OF HERE.
468
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,467
GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE!
469
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:09,668
I'M OUT OF HERE.
470
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:13,872
OK, WHY
ARE YOU SORRY?
471
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:15,473
LET ME SIT UP,
472
00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:17,476
AND I'LL
TELL YOU WHY.
473
00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:20,278
OW!
474
00:21:32,724 --> 00:21:35,927
OK, YOU WANT
TO BE A COP, FINE.
475
00:21:35,927 --> 00:21:37,929
I WILL SUPPORT YOU.
476
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:40,331
BUT I JUST
HAVE TO MAKE
477
00:21:40,332 --> 00:21:42,734
ONE POINT
BEFORE I DO.
478
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,772
OK, PIG.
I'VE GOT A GUN,
479
00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:50,242
AND I'M GOING TO
BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF.
480
00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:52,244
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO ABOUT IT?
481
00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:53,912
SLAP YOUR HAND AWAY.
482
00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:54,979
GO AHEAD.
483
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:58,049
BANG!
484
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,118
YOU'RE DEAD, JACKIE.
485
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,923
YOU'RE DEAD.
486
00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:07,558
GET IT?
487
00:22:26,044 --> 00:22:28,046
METER MAID IS GOOD.
488
00:22:29,648 --> 00:22:31,249
GET A LITTLE UNIFORM,
489
00:22:31,249 --> 00:22:32,850
DRIVE A NICE CAR,
490
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:35,253
GET SOME BENEFITS,
TAKE HOME SOME MONEY.
491
00:22:35,253 --> 00:22:38,155
METER MAID IS NOT BAD.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, SIS.
492
00:22:38,156 --> 00:22:40,224
YEAH. AND THEN YOU'LL
GIVE SOME GUY A TICKET,
493
00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:41,826
AND HE'LL GET OUT
OF HIS CAR
494
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,562
AND BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF.
495
00:22:43,562 --> 00:22:46,831
OH, SO NOW YOU DON'T
WANT ME TO BE A METER MAID?
496
00:22:46,832 --> 00:22:50,035
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
497
00:22:50,085 --> 00:22:54,635
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0